1. Have you ever forgiven someone?
2. How long did you take to forgive that person?
3. How did you feel after that?
In the usual turn of events after a conflict or a storm, we are normally asked to forgive other people. We paused and considered. Yes, it is forgivable. Apologies were heard and accepted. And we moved on.
Did you really move on?
In conflicts of great distress, broken promises and tested integrity, we might not have moved on completely. Forgiveness was done for other people. It was superficial. We have forgotten to forgive ourselves.
Forgiveness is not something we do for others. We do it for ourselves. It truly involves the self only. Self-forgiveness is never an easy one, especially when the hurt is deep. It is worrying that self-forgiveness is sadly overlooked most of the time. And we end up carrying this burden of unforgiving self as long as we live and, sometimes, beyond.
When you forgive wholly and truly, you release yourself from a painful burden. Self-forgiveness does not mean what happened was okay, and it does not mean that person was right or should be welcome in your life. It just means you have a made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go from within you.
How do you forgive yourself?
Self-forgiveness is a journey. For some people, it will take a short time; for others, it may be a long-drawn process. It depends on a person's character, determination and life experiences to forgive himself/herself.
Learn to look at a conflict from different perspectives, even from the other person's perspective. Comfort yourself each time you analyse the conflict again. There should be no hiding of conflict in your heart. It would be like digging a grave for self-forgiveness, and eventually it would be very difficult for you to let go. Face the conflict yourself, and very slowly, you would allow yourself to forgive within you.
'Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.'
- Gautama Buddha
In violet love and joy,